The Meeting of the Board
It’s Tuesday
evening and the Board of the Paris to Peking Railway meets, as on every Tuesday
evening, to manage their empire and set the policies of the Road. This night,
however, is special … possibly a landmark moment in the History of Model
Railroading: The gentlemen consider the outrageous idea of converting the
entire operation into an Ho-Scale Outdoor Railroad.
Let’s listen
in …
“Now, William, I won’t hear of it!” roars the CEO. He’s generally an easy
going fellow, but this topic has him ready for a fight.
“I’m just saying…” Bill Dimcheap, the Chief Architect starts.
“Oh, I know
what you’re saying William,” the CEO cuts him off. “And I don’t like it! Not
a word of it, sir, not a word!”
“Here, noo,”
the Chief Engineer of the Paris to Peking Railway enters the American Suite
in the Hotel d’Americain in Paris. “What is all this yellin’ aboot?”
“It’s juicy,”
the PR guy says.
“It’s noisy,”
the CFO mutters into his scotch.
“Who hired this
poltroon?” roars the CEO. “Who in heaven’s name put HIM on the team?”
“Uh, you did,
chief,” the CEO guys says, sheepishly.
“I’m just saying…”
the Chief Architect starts again.
“I KNOW what
you’re SAYING,” the CEO seethes with anger. “I just don’t want to HEAR it!”
“Let the man
talk,” the Chief Engineer sits down with his first stout of the evening. “Go
ahead, laddie, I’ll hear you out.”
“I’m suggesting
we convert the railway to HO scale,” the Chief Architect says quickly.
Stout sprays
across the table.
“WHAT?!?” roars
the Chief Engineer. “Have ye gone DAFT?”
“My sentiments
exactly,” nods the scarlet-faced CEO.
“There’s a good
angle here, chief,” the PR Guy says. Bill Dimcheap
nods briskly. “Any Joe can have a garden railway in G scale…but how many
HO scale outdoor railways have you heard of?”
Bill jumps to his feet.
“Consider this,”
he says, pointing at the Chief Engineer. “You get 4.83 times as much track
in the same space…that means a parallel main line, and turnouts, and long
trains, and everything is standard gauge…”
“Unless you
build a narrow gauge subline,” adds the PR Guy.
“Are ye crazy?
We dunna have the rolling stock for HO!”
“The rolling
stock is cheap!” roars the Chief Architect. “You can pick up half a dozen
HO flatcars for the price of a single G gauge car.”
“I like the
sound of that,” nods the surly CFO.
“Aye,” smirks the Chief Engineer, “and ye can have me mother’s bloomers
for the price of half a can of stout…that don’t prove nothin’. What’ll ye
do for motive power, seeing as how there ain’t no way I’m going to be approving
of electrifying that much rail in an outdoor settin’? What’ll ye do,” he chuckles,
“convert it to batteries? In wee little HO?”
“Why not?” suddenly
Bill Dimcheap isn’t bold and strident anymore. He’s calm, and rational. He’s
speaking softly. “Why not? We’re limited to this single battery-powered locomotive
in G scale unless we make some conversions – why not do ‘em in HO? The per-unit
cost of an HO locomotive is nothing compared to a G scale, you can get an
accurate profile locomotive for just a few bucks, the cars are cheaper (and
they look great!), and, for the price of the rail needed to repair the Parisian
line in G scale, you could re-track the entire railway. And don’t get me
started on off-the-shelf building components!”
The room is
silent for a very long moment.
“But, William,”
the CEO says, tentatively, “nobody’s done it in HO…”
“Why not be
among the first?” asks the PR Guy. “That’s good press right there. I can hardly
wait to get started on a new press kit!”
“Could be a
good source of revenue,” the CFO says. “We need that. A lot of that. Any of
that.”
The room is
silent again. Many minutes pass as each board member considers the obstacles
and challenges.
The CEO rises,
slowly.
“Gentlemen,
I believe Mr. Dimcheap makes a good argument. We, all of us, have known that
our marketing potential, market share and our readership to this point in
our Company’s history has been less than the stuff of our dreams …”
“Oh boy!” whispers
the PR Guy under his breath. “When the Chief starts to speak so formally I
know a big decision’s about to come down.” And then loudly, “Hold it a second
Chief … I’ve gotta take this down for posterity! (I wish the Press was here
… this is gonna be good!)”
“Heh-hmmm,”
the CEO is a bit exasperated. “Gentlemen; I continue. Our history has been
less than the stuff of our dreams. But now we have an opportunity to make
history … to throw the concept of outdoor railroading on its face and usher
in an era of HO-Scale Outdoor Model Railroading ...”
“Hold it Chief!”
interrupts the PR Guy. “You can’t throw it on its face. How about … umm ..
throw it on its ear … on its head? … Don’t worry, Chief, I will work it out
for the press release!”
“Will ye hold
it doon, lad. Let the maan speak,” commands the Chief Engineer.
“an era of HO-Scale
Outdoor Model Railroading,” continues the CEO. “Imagine small scale trains
in the Garden Railway environment. Almost every step we take in the creation
of the mighty Paris-to-Peking Railway will be news worthy.”
“Oh boy!!!”
excitedly whispers the PR Guy.
“Planning the
route, choosing the road bed material, purchasing the track, installing the
rails, selecting the rollingstock, modifying our locomotives (if and when
we acquire some) to run on battery power with radio control, building the
various communities along the right-of-way, highways, structures, crossings,
buildings, lighting, detailing, weathering, waterproofing … I say, gentlemen,
the blogging and marketing potential is huge! This is going to be a fantastic
endeavor which will rend the very heart of the model railroad hobby and …”
“Enough! … THAT
IS Enough!” shouts the Chief Engineer. “We all understand you, sir. And …
I think we all agrrree with you, correct … aye, gentlemen?
“Here, here!”
… “Aye! …“You said it! (Oh boy … this is gonna be great!)” …
“Gentlemen,
Meeting Adjourned. When next we meet, we’ll each be about eight-tenths of
an inch tall!”